I don't have much to say right now, and my computer time is limited. Amy is hogging it by watching Game of Thrones and US Women's Soccer at the same time (go Etalons, go Starks). But I hear that this is a big week for Ameripets in Burkina.
Amy was whining about how all her friends are hanging out without her in Ouaga this week for In-Service Training. What I chose to hear was that there are a number of my friends alone at home with the opportunity to freely assert their dominance over their human counterparts.
So this one is for you, Toulouse, Shadowfax, Dobby, Cat, Jacuma (?), new Tô, and even our kanine frenemies, Lakota and friends. And all the others with whom I've not yet been virtually acquainted.
Zoa's Guide To Beating Your Human at the Game of Life
1. Take advantage of your time alone. Even if you're currently being watched by a friend of your human, they're even more likely to fear you. Use this.
I find that most of my havoc was wreaked when Amy can't see me. These days it's because she's asleep, but even in Africa I'd find ways to dominate the home. Claim a shoe as your own, start hoarding plastic knives, adopt your human's valuables as your "toys", etc.
Most importantly, be so irresistably adorable upon human's return that they do not suspect you.
2. Be a little bit human yourself. I've developed many strange quirks in my bizarre bi-continental life, most of which I think I've learned from Amy. I sleep better in thunderstorms, I refuse to let my foods touch, and I insist on always having the last word. Amy finds these qualities endearing, even laughable. I believe they will help me subtly manipulate her into believing that I'm a better version of herself.
So while your humans are away, friends, practice these skills. They are your hugest asset in the slow battle.
3. When all else fails, hide their stuff. When I'm mad at Amy for waking me up early, feeding me turkey food, or doing something equally offensive, I just hide something of hers. It may seem petty, but I've found that it is very strong psychological warfare.
Most recently I've taunted Amy by hiding my own collar. She's clearly obsessing about it, and she hasn't even gotten close to finding it.
I am winning.
So there you are, friends. My little words of advice to help you prove who really wears the thumbs in your house. As a a veteran Ameripet, I think it is my duty to help my compatriots to join in my ranks.
Godspeed, mes amis.
Amy was whining about how all her friends are hanging out without her in Ouaga this week for In-Service Training. What I chose to hear was that there are a number of my friends alone at home with the opportunity to freely assert their dominance over their human counterparts.
So this one is for you, Toulouse, Shadowfax, Dobby, Cat, Jacuma (?), new Tô, and even our kanine frenemies, Lakota and friends. And all the others with whom I've not yet been virtually acquainted.
Zoa's Guide To Beating Your Human at the Game of Life
1. Take advantage of your time alone. Even if you're currently being watched by a friend of your human, they're even more likely to fear you. Use this.
I find that most of my havoc was wreaked when Amy can't see me. These days it's because she's asleep, but even in Africa I'd find ways to dominate the home. Claim a shoe as your own, start hoarding plastic knives, adopt your human's valuables as your "toys", etc.
 |
| Always see and be seen. |
2. Be a little bit human yourself. I've developed many strange quirks in my bizarre bi-continental life, most of which I think I've learned from Amy. I sleep better in thunderstorms, I refuse to let my foods touch, and I insist on always having the last word. Amy finds these qualities endearing, even laughable. I believe they will help me subtly manipulate her into believing that I'm a better version of herself.
So while your humans are away, friends, practice these skills. They are your hugest asset in the slow battle.
3. When all else fails, hide their stuff. When I'm mad at Amy for waking me up early, feeding me turkey food, or doing something equally offensive, I just hide something of hers. It may seem petty, but I've found that it is very strong psychological warfare.
Most recently I've taunted Amy by hiding my own collar. She's clearly obsessing about it, and she hasn't even gotten close to finding it.
I am winning.
So there you are, friends. My little words of advice to help you prove who really wears the thumbs in your house. As a a veteran Ameripet, I think it is my duty to help my compatriots to join in my ranks.
